thanks to a creative mind Tanya Davis, and Caspiana, for posting a wonderful video called How To Be Alone. i am reminded that I am one who has always treasured being alone. lately i have forgotten to be really alone, not just at home reading another therapeutic book. this video has reminded me of that. it relayed to me what i am feeling is best for my son - is the best thing. shocking, for sure.
i feel like it has been me against the world in regards to my son. his charming outwardly appearance wins everyone over and i can't seem to get any one to take me seriously enough to move forward. well, yesterday was different. i started emailing his teachers and demanding a meeting. saying things like, "he doesn't need excuses, he needs skills!" Ya!
and, and
well
i took some video into the therapist. i have been taping my child for some time now trying to figure out... well, him. he is very intriguing, many layers and the layers change. well, we all know what i am talking about. the therapist jumped into action. she contacted his skills trainer to see when she can view him in a school setting, she contacted the teachers wanting to participate in setting up an IEP, and most of all she saw it. She saw it!
even through my mistakes, she still saw what i see
and my other mistakes, she still saw it
day in
day out
now to trust
some more
i just don't want him to slip through the cracks any longer
it is not fair to him
being alone
i have been very much alone
with my daily life
i am ready to be alone
like sitting on a bench
just sitting
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Honesty
"Honesty brings Peace" which means there is no peace in our home. At this point I don't even think of it as a home. I have a feeling we are at a low. I wish I could say my child is at a low and I am there to lift him. But it seems that he pulls us all into his hole, even the new puppy. I am there to lift him. There are just some days that I am stronger than other days.
It would be so much easier to be compassionate if I knew he was genuine. That brings up a whole other topic: What does it mean to be genuine? I will save that for another day. Or ponder that today.
Anyway, it seems like he is always thinking from his head and when there is nothing in his head he cries, pouts, hits himself or my favorite, silence. And I have to be kind, calm and patient. Over and over again, the cycle never seems to end.
Today I am posting because our trust in him has basically diminished. I am having a hard time with my compassion for him when I can not communicate with him.
I read somewhere recently (Sorry I can not cite this) to be thankful for breathing in and out. This has been my mantra during these hard times and has helped And even my child's breathe.
It would be so much easier to be compassionate if I knew he was genuine. That brings up a whole other topic: What does it mean to be genuine? I will save that for another day. Or ponder that today.
Anyway, it seems like he is always thinking from his head and when there is nothing in his head he cries, pouts, hits himself or my favorite, silence. And I have to be kind, calm and patient. Over and over again, the cycle never seems to end.
Today I am posting because our trust in him has basically diminished. I am having a hard time with my compassion for him when I can not communicate with him.
I read somewhere recently (Sorry I can not cite this) to be thankful for breathing in and out. This has been my mantra during these hard times and has helped And even my child's breathe.
Monday, April 18, 2011
res·pite/ˈrespət/Noun
res·pite/ˈrespət/Noun
1. A short period of rest or relief from something difficult or unpleasant.
My husband and I went on a little adventure just the two of us. Our kid had a troop camp out planned which I usually attend. This year we decided to take the break! It was wonderful. We only complained about him twice and both times it was right before bed to my dearest cousin. The poor thing. He was gracious and accommodating. On the car ride home we had to quiet each other and remind ourselves to be positive, at least for now.
It is strange to miss your dogs more than your child. I wanted to hear every last detail about his scout adventure but I knew I would have to be happy to hear the smallest of detail. He did talk for about 5 minutes when we first were all together but the rest of Sunday was just like it was on the previous Friday except that my husband and I were calm which made it much easier to stay positive and light.
Three things I will remember from this trip:
1. Laughing is so much fun.
2. Sun rises are still my favorite thing.
3. The Hidden Forest and how it made me feel when we came upon it.
We will work hard to have another weekend, just the two of us, sooner than 2 years from now. It did us a world of good. As it will to those of you who read this too!
My husband and I went on a little adventure just the two of us. Our kid had a troop camp out planned which I usually attend. This year we decided to take the break! It was wonderful. We only complained about him twice and both times it was right before bed to my dearest cousin. The poor thing. He was gracious and accommodating. On the car ride home we had to quiet each other and remind ourselves to be positive, at least for now.
It is strange to miss your dogs more than your child. I wanted to hear every last detail about his scout adventure but I knew I would have to be happy to hear the smallest of detail. He did talk for about 5 minutes when we first were all together but the rest of Sunday was just like it was on the previous Friday except that my husband and I were calm which made it much easier to stay positive and light.
Three things I will remember from this trip:
1. Laughing is so much fun.
2. Sun rises are still my favorite thing.
3. The Hidden Forest and how it made me feel when we came upon it.
We will work hard to have another weekend, just the two of us, sooner than 2 years from now. It did us a world of good. As it will to those of you who read this too!
Friday, April 1, 2011
April Fool's Day
Wanting so badly to play a little trick with my kid today was at the top of my mind. I remember my dad always doing a little silly thing on this, the first day of April. But as I thought of the consequences of such a sweet and funny moment and the turmoil he may experience. The unexpected, the not planned will bring on the stressed and puffed out child with a face that screams, "What the heck is going on?" So, once again, I will let one of my memories of childhood remain my own.
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